Well, its been quite some time since the last time I posted, Almost 10 months! I feel like a lot has happened and things are starting to change for the better. I also feel that many things that may have looked good but were blocking my view have been removed. I now sit in this space where I'm being forced to make cut-throat and honest decisions. Its no longer about sparing anyone else's feelings because for so long mine have been ignored and/or placed on the back burner. The fact that I may be hurting inside or battling with all types of thoughts and emotions never occurred. Why?
I often find myself viewing situations through lenses that don't really exist. I see what I want to see and what I want to see is that the situation is perfect and that my participation is appreciated and not being abused in any way. Its never until after some really traumatic event has happened that my veiled view of the situation changes. Suddenly I am in the same situation bare and vulnerable with an obstructed view of how and what things really are, reality. What's real is that I have a tendency to carry baggage that's not even mine out of trying to be "nice" and "supportive" which leads to me being stressed about things that don't often directly affect me. What's also real is this, that shit stresses me to no end and I allow it to.
As time has gone on I have realized this and I'm truly making strides to get back focused on K. Michael, my happiness, and accomplishing my goals. Things and people that don't align with this mission have to be let go. With this understanding comes a willingness to be distant from those things/people that are a threat to the mission. Its a hard realization but I encourage everyone to write out your mission and a list of goals to accomplish this. Next, list all the things that could hinder this from happening and decide how to get rid of them. It may be hard to do but you will thank yourself later.
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